I think my soul wrote a song
I didn't record yesterday
for today I'm humming
a new tune
and
truth and beauty are applauding


Henceforth
mary jane holt

Henceforth, I shall value only that
which I can take with me when I die
and that is only what I give away

 

I Want To Go Home

I want to go home
My eyes are swelling
They burn
I can barely see
My heart is aching
It hurts
I long to be free
From this pain inside
That stings
When I pause to think of them
From the hurts that hide
As part of a past
Now growing dim

My gaze looks upward
To One Who offers His Hand
And says,
“Walk forward
I am here
I shall help you to stand
Linger there no longer
There are mountains ahead
Get out of the valley
Let's start climbing instead"

The call through the hills came ringing
And started my heart to singing
For I knew the day would come
When I would understand
Why it was best
That things had not worked out
As I had planned
From heavenward
The voice came again,
"You must linger there no longer
Do not dare to think you will fail
You just think you need to be stronger
But you have a story to tell NOW
And your story will ring around the world
As people hear from the heart of a girl
Who decided early to seek, to find..., to live!

For through her
Demonstrations of grace will God give!"
It was in the valley she shed the tears
But on the mountain she found she could stand
And sing!
Smiling as she looked back down through the years
Knowing it was I Who had held her hand
Through everything.

As we traveled together I told her
That Satan would fall before her
Because of his defeat my Me at Calvary
That he would see our arrival
At our Father's throne of grace
And he would see
The glow upon her face
A glow he would never again erase

Yes, he will see her there
And he will know she won
When he sees her standing beside God's son
It was side by side we traveled
Though she did not always know
For her faith often faltered
And sometimes she did lose her glow

But there was never a time I left her
I had PROMISED to stay
And though she was tempted to wander
She walked with me day by day
It was a memorable journey
Indeed! A time we will not forget
She knows I supplied her every need
And paid her every debt
She knows she is cherished among women
Because I have told her so
She is one for whom I left Heaven
Just to let her know
That is all we ever sought
When with my blood she was bought
God, Our Father and Me
We wanted to set her free
Perfection

She could not reach it
And no one knew how to teach it
But perfect she thought she must be
So it was grace she had to see

And grace was shown to her repeatedly

Each time there was a big unanswered "why?"
Every single time she could not understand
Each time she wanted to give up and die
It was grace that equipped her for each demand

In all things she came to see God's Hand

Yes, through the years
She learned to recognize His Hand
For indeed! It was the Hand of Her God
The Hand of God alone
The Hand of One Who loved her
Who led her all the way home.

i have danced with death
mary jane holt

I have danced with death
and flirted with dying
many times i have done this
and walked away
after each encounter
- more free to be me -
a stronger woman
happier
more alive
more aware
more free of all the walls
i had foolishly imposed
on myself
in times past
necessary walls
then
unnecessary now
that i have danced
with death
many times

Alone In The Storm
mary jane holt

I have felt alone in the storm.
I have known the paralysis of fear
and in its grip heard the reassuring voice
of the fearless One whisper softly,
"Lo, I am with you always."

I have known the fury of defeat
and in such knowledge, heard the voice of victory
call calmly to me from the next room,
"Lo, I am with you always."

I have known fierce crippling pain
and in the midst, heard indescribable compassion
in the voice of One whose understanding made it bearable,
"Lo, I am with you always."

I have known bleak despair
and in its hold heard One whose Father once turned away
speak gently to remind me of His continuing presence,
“Lo, I am with you always."

I have known a cold darkness
and in the black mist heard the voice of the Light of the world
burst forth with a promise of gladness and guidance
"Lo, I am with you always.”

I have known anger
And in its prison heard the tender voice of One
Who knows me so well
Who understands my thoughts from afar
Who knows my downsitting and my uprising
Who is intimately acquainted with all my ways
Who sees my going out and my coming in
Who scrutinizes my path and my lying down
Whose presence is too wonderful to proclaim
Whose existence cannot be explained
One Who eases in and out of the avenues of my life
as the wind that blows, permitting me to know not
from whence it comes or where it goes...
I only know that it moves my hair and cools my cheek
and continuously whispers ever so softly and tenderly,

"Lo, I have been, I am…
and I will be with you always even unto the end of the world!"
I have felt alone in the storm, but I never was...

 

"But God meant it for good”
 mj holt
 
He wanted to smile
as his mind began to wander back
down through the lonely years. Recalling
little laughter
knowing anew the tears
he had cried
alone
on that desert journey where
no one had known
the emptiness
and there had been no one
with whom to share
the brokenness
of a heart where
the bitter anguish of betrayal
had reigned for a season
 
Loved ones lost for a time
 
He wondered at the ways God chooses
to work in the affairs of men
 
false accusations were so unfair
and always it seemed
there were so few who cared. Yet
freedom had come
and honor
and now — this moment!
 
He gave them the grain.
 
Their very lives lay in the palm of his hand
as the light of understanding shone
and suddenly he could see
beyond the pain of yesterday
beyond all faults and failures, including his own
beyond all the grief his father must have known
beyond the terror their hungry hearts must know today
Alas! He wondered as he saw the plan for all the age!
— Eternal Truth —
He saw it! He had known he would...
“You, you meant evil against me,” he said,
“but God... God meant it for good.”
And he smiled

© Mary Jane Holt